Lost Time and Lost Sentiments

Isn't it funny how intentions can be so easily misunderstood? Even when understood, you can't help the way you feel. There are too many ways words can be misconstrued, and the heart won't always agree with your thoughts.



A relationship will always take two to float, but only one to sink. I'm well aware of this. I always strive to make sure he knows that I care about him and about us, that I'll always do my best to right my wrongs, and I'll safeguard whichever part of him he decides to entrust to me. Even though I actively do these things, I can't help being afraid somewhere in the back of my mind that I don't do enough or that I can show my affections better. Why am I so afraid? Was there any underlying notion within the relationship so far that would justify my fear? No, there simply is not. I would only be afraid of losing something if it was worth keeping in the first place, and he is worth any future fights, any sleepless nights, and any tears I cry. Though, I think I could tone down the "fight" response, since it is currently not necessary. Not to say I'm going to start neglecting him or something, but I supposed I won't have to say it in my random texts for a very long while.

I've watched plenty of dramas where the characters don't realize they've taken someone close to them for granted until it's too late. All that time wasted on meaningless things. By the time the characters notice, it's almost too late. In actual reality though, it would have been too late. Too late to apologize and make up for lost time and lost sentiments. Sometimes, second chances don't exist. Theoretically, wouldn't you have put your all into the first chance? What would make the second chance so much better that couldn't have been done the first time? That's kind of how I treat my relationships. I treat it as if it's the only chance I'll have with the person. The only chance I'll have with him. So why wouldn't I do all that I can? It's why I've never understood breaks or on-and-off relationships. It's either all or nothing.

All I wanted was to make sure he knew I cared and I loved him. I think I was unconsciously too focused on pushing this sentiment without any regards to his feelings. How it must feel to think that our relationship isn't already at that stage where we can honestly tell each other that something is wrong. I am sorry that in meaning well with my sentiment, I insulted him and his ability to be honest with me. As I've said before, what matters most is that he knows I love him. I care for him and about us. We've long established that we can speak to each other about anything, therefore, I just won't bring up the matter again, since it is unnecessary.

"I'll stay out on the road until I see the other side or come undone."

The Workday Release - The Other Side

A garden doesn't survive on it's own. It needs all the care you're willing to share. You have to water it with love, have it absorb the warmth, pull out the weeds, and protect it from the storms. In the end, your relationship either thrives or it doesn't. Either way, at least you know you saw it through to the end with your best. I'm happy to say that our relationship is very much so alive. Through it all, he is worth it.